True story.

A client of mine ended a long-term relationship with his ex-partner after a decade of rocky commitments and compromises.

Tragedy? Maybe… It depends on whom you ask…

Was there anything that could’ve saved their relationship? Probably…

As we all know, relationships can be a complex dance of agreements, care, and challenges.

If you’ve ever been in one, you know that the decision to break up after a long-term relationship doesn’t just happen overnight.

It’s usually a cumulation of adverse events, disappointments, and poor judgment that will lead to the inevitable decision to keep trying or give up.

(I want to emphasize that either decision can be right, as long it brings you a sense of peace, calm, and happiness.)

Then, there’s the timeless saying that goes something like ‘Love others like we want to be loved”.

I think this is complete bu!!sh*t!

Instead, I would say “Love others in the way they want to be loved, and make sure they know how to love you back”.

What does this mean exactly?

Let me explain…

The man and his partner often fought about trivial things like most couples do.

And although they seemingly ‘loved’ each other - neither of them had the level of self-awareness to notice how their differences in values were slowly killing the relationship.

We all want to be loved, but what most of us don’t realize is there are distinct ways of loving oneself and someone else.

In his book, the 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, distinguishes the types of love we can give and receive;

Love language #1: Words of affirmation - ex. You’re so amazing. You’re such a great partner!

Love language #2: Acts of service - ex. Doing the dishes before your tired partner asks you to.

Love language #3: Gifts - ex. Here’s a lovely pandora bracelet because I know how much you love wearing these types of things.

Love language #4: Quality time - ex. Going on a nature walk and getting lost together.

Love language #5: Physical touch - ex. Stealing a hug or a kiss randomly while cooking in the kitchen together.

We all have some sort of potent mixture of the 5 types that make up the ideal way we want to be loved.

And while we can relate to one or more of these languages, there is typically one that is more dominant than the rest.

Through self-awareness, and simple reflection anyone can identify their love languages.

(Take a look at the list above and let me know what your love language(s) is/are in the comments below. A good identifier is to look at how you give love to others. This is likely one of your love languages.)

Until this day, my client is still unsure of his ex’s love language(s).

Even after deep reflection, he realized that he didn’t know his ex as well as he had thought.

Now, he uses this information daily to maintain his happy marriage of 8 years with his soulmate and 3 children.

His growth mindset allows him to draw from his past trials and tribulations so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes again.

None of us are perfect.

After all, we are human….

And there definitely isn’t one tool that will solve all our relationship problems.

However, It behooves us to work on our self-awareness - a crucial aspect of our personal growth and development.

The ability to imagine and embody things that have yet to be in existence is what sets us apart and gives us the edge over all other creatures.

It helps us understand our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and provides us with the clarity and direction we need to live a meaningful life.

But what if you're struggling to gain self-awareness on your own?

That's where life coaching comes in!

The truth is, we are often too close to our problems to realize the solution (or if one is needed at all).

Your coach will work with you to help identify and achieve your goals.

It's a dynamic and transformative experience that can help you tap into your full potential and live your best life.

Whether you're seeking personal or professional growth, I can provide you with the guidance, support, and accountability you need to reach your desired outcomes.

You'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself, including your strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs.

You'll learn to recognize and challenge limiting beliefs, develop a growth mindset, and become more self-confident and assertive.

You’ll be able to develop better relationships, achieve greater success, and find greater fulfillment in all areas of your life.

Together, you can create a personalized action plan, set achievable goals, and develop a roadmap to success.

So, if you want to improve your self-awareness and live a more fulfilling life, I urge you to find a life coach.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be me.

In your corner,

Alex

PS. As a way to pay it forward and give back to the community, I’ve opened up 3 slots a month in my practice to give a 1-hour FREE coaching session to ambitious individuals that are ready to roll up their sleeves and do the work.

This month’s sessions are all taken, but if you want to get on the waiting list, send me a direct message and I’ll get you set up.